MARITAL
BONDING
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The
best description that I personally have ever read describing
the closeness of the spouses to each other is the Qur'anic
verse which says: "They are your garments and you are
their garments." (Surah Al Baqarah 2:187). Indeed, spouses
are like garments to each other because they provide one another
with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support,
and the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine
a journey in the winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses
provide us with the same level of comfort, protection, cover,
and support in the journey of our lives on this earth as garments
would do in the Alaskan journey.
The
relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all
human relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy
and closeness, mercy and compassion, peace and tranquillity
that fills the hearts of the spouses is simply inexplicable.
The only rational explanation for these most amazing of all
human feelings is that: it is an act of Allah Subhanahu wa
Ta'ala, "And Allah has made for you Mates (and Companions
of your own nature ..." (Surah Al Nahl 16:72)
Only
our Almighty Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala in His Infinite Power,
Boundless Mercy, and Great Wisdom can create and ingrain these
amazing and blessed feelings in the hearts of the spouses.
In fact Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is reminding those who search
for His signs in the universe that these feelings in the hearts
of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans
to His existence as He says in the Qur'an, "And among
His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among
yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and
He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that
are signs for those who reflect." (Surah Al Rum 30:21)
But
Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala knows that the human heart is not
a static entity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic.
Feelings can and do change with time. Love may wither and
fade away. The marital bond might weaken if not properly cared
for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous
happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the
tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the
soil has to be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured.
Remember
that our Prophet Muhammad Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam had
found the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife
Aisha RA. She outran him but later after she had gained some
weight, he outran her. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu
'aliahi wa'sallaam took his wife to watch the young Ethiopians
playing and dancing their folk dances. The show of emotions
is necessary to keep the marital bond away from rusting and
disintegrating. Remember that you will be rewarded by Allah
Subhanahu wa Ta'ala for any emotions you show to your wife
as the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said "One
would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure
of Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife"
Never
underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as
putting food in your wife's mouth, opening the car door for
her, etc. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam
used to extend his knee to his wife to assist her up to ride
the camel.
Try
to always find some time for both of you to pray together.
Strengthening the bond between you and Allah Subhanahu wa
Ta'ala is the best guarantee that your own marital bond would
always remain strong. Having peace with Allah Subhanahu wa
Ta'ala will always result in having more peace at home.
Remember
that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam gave glad tidings
for those couples who wake up at night to pray together. The
Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam even urged the spouse
who rises up first to wake the other spouse up, even by splashing
cold water on his/her face.
Always
try your best to be good to your wife by words and by deeds.
Talk to her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion,
spend quality time with her and always remember that the Prophet
Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said, "The best of you
are those who are best to their wives"
Finally,
it is common that spouses vow to love and honour their spouses
until death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good
or even great, but not enough! It is not enough that you love
your wife. You have to love what she loves as well. Her family,
her loved ones must also become your loved ones. Don't be
like my colleague who was unhappy about his wife's parents
coming to visit for few weeks. He candidly said to her "I
don't like your parents." Naturally she angrily looked
at him straight in the eye and said, "I don't like yours
either." Also, it is not enough that you love her until
death do you part. Love should never end and we do believe
there is life after death where those who did righteousness
in this world will be joined by their spouses (Surah Al Zukhruf
43:70) and offsprings.
The
best example in this regard is the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi
wa'sallaam whose love for Khadija RA, his wife of 25 years,
extended to include all those she loved; this love of his
continued even after her death. It was many years after her
death and he never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered
in his house he would send portions of it to Khadija's family
and friends and whenever he felt that the visitor at the door
might be Khadija's sister Hala, he would pray saying, "O
Allah let it be Hala."
By
getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting
your whole world. From now until the rest of your days your
wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend.
She
will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will
share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures,
your dreams and your fears. When you are ill, she will take
the best care of you; when you need help, she will do all
she can for you; when you have a secret, she will keep it;
when you need advice, she will give you the best advice. She
will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the
first thing your eyes will see will be hers; during the day,
she will be with you, if for some time she is not with you
by her physical body, she will be thinking of you, praying
for you with all her heart, mind, and soul; when you go to
sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be
her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your
dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will
be her whole world.
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