SETTING
LIMITS
RELATIONSHIP OF HUSBAND AND WIFE
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An unrestrained lifestyle is dangerous, so then,
what can we do about it as parents and a community that surrounds
parents? It involves setting some limits. One of the first
limits we have to put is to keep having children from interrupting
the necessity for building a strong relationship as husband
and wife. So, that means that even after having your children,
you've got to give some time to this relationship you have
together. You have made a covenant in marriage. and what this
is, this is an agreement, a covenant, this is very serious,
strong thing that we do in a marriage and so that means that
we have to give time and effort to loving, and cherishing,
and honouring the person that we are married to. And sometimes
that isn't easy. Sometimes we don't get the agreement of the
one-year-old when its time to leave. We've got to focus on
that relationship.
Another
area of setting limits. Say goodnight. Bedtime. It's not appropriate
to say, "Honey are you sleepy yet"? No. Wrong question.
You just say, "It's bedtime." Children need to sleep.
All kinds of grouchiness and lack of focus will be solved
in lives if they get enough sleep, and you, as parents need
that time to connect once the children are asleep, particularly
with young children. We need to set limits there. It's part
of having an ordered household, part of having a life together.
RESPECT:
Another area where we need to set some limits is
respect. There are limits on how our children can express
themselves to their parents and to other adults. Now, we want
our children to be honest and we want them to be free, but
there are some things that you just can't be free to say it
exactly the way you feel it, not and survive in society. So
they're feeling, "oh I hate you. I hate you." It's
not an appropriate thing for them to say that to their teacher
every Monday morning. And we are teaching them certain limits
on how to express themselves, that they can have these feelings
and that we can talk about those things, but there are still
limits. And so we are trying to build them in habits that
will allow them to function well within the society around
it, and then we need to model that respect in the way we talk
to them as well.
MATERIAL
THINGS: We've got to have limits on material things.
You can't have what you want, when you want, and every time
you want. We've got to get our children ready for the real
world. We've got to learn how to have patience trying to get
something that's important, to learn what it means to work
and save in order to get something that is really important
to them. These things are part of life. Its part of them succeeding
in the long run, and its part of what we are trying to train
our children to do. Setting limits is kind of like there are
two bridges over a canyon. One of the bridges is this little
rope bridge, but it has no hand rails on it, and so when you
walk over it there is always that sense that any step now
you might plummet over the edge, and what parental limits
are, is where you actually put a handrail on the bridge. It
still looks rickety sometimes and it is still going over something
that you think might be a little bit dangerous out there,
but there are those limits, there's that sense that if I am
in between and hold on tight, I am safe. And that's what we
are giving our children. It reduces their anxiety and it reduces
ours, as parents, because they know there are dangers out
there, but if I am here and inside of this I am okay.
So
if you are at that point now when your children are at home,
then let's do our best right now for Allah, while we've got
the chance. And if we don't have children, let's do our best
to support those families that do, to do our part as aunts
and uncles and friends and grandparents and teachers, to do
our best to support them, to shape a new generation, because
what we want to do together parents and all the rest of us
around, what we want to do together is to shape a new generation,
we want to develop a generation that knows Allah and is willing
to honour Allah.
Here
are a few words of advice for the youth
You have to grow up early these days. When you have
a problem, try to look at it individually and not compare
it with what your friends may be going through. Each situation
is different, and it is really helpful to find a kind, wise,
older person to talk to because he or she may be able to help
you see things more clearly.
Two
wrongs don't make a right. You may have been treated badly,
abused, or oppressed, but don't go out and do the same thing
to others because that doesn't make the problem go away. If
you don't find a role model in your family or close relatives,
then look for another older person who is pious, wise, and
responsible.
Don't
believe everything you hear in the media and in films. News,
films, games, and so on are written and designed by people
like you and me, who have their own bias and message they
want to get across. That message may not necessarily be good.
Try
to spend some time every day in thinking and being honest
with yourself. Read inspiring stories and biographies about
people who overcame obstacles in good and positive ways.
Most
important of all, if you ever face a problem or a confusing
situation, you should turn to Allah the Almighty for help.
Simply pray in your own language and open your heart to Him.
If you take that first step, then be sure that His help is
ever near.
In
conclusion, we should keep in mind that the things which have
the greater reward in life from Allah are those that are the
most difficult for people to do. There is such a great reward
for keeping family ties, for honouring parents, and respecting
older people. The nature of life is challenges and obstacles.
Our human context is the trials and tribulations that land
on us as a result of the turmoil created from people following
their desires instead of doing what is right, moral, ethical,
and decent. You can be the one who can be the means of turning
evil into good. |
The
boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees
about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He
dialled the employee's home phone number and was greeted with
a child's whispered, "Hello?" Feeling put out at
the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss
asked, "Is your Daddy home?"
"Yes",
whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?"
the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice
whispered, "No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your
Mommy there?" "Yes," came the answer. "May
I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Knowing
that it was not likely that a young child would be left home
alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with
the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is
there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the
child.
"Yes,"
whispered the child, "A policeman." Wondering what
a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked
"May I speak with the policeman?"
"No,
he's busy," whispered the child. "Busy doing what?"
asked the boss. "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,"
came the whispered answer. Growing concerned and even worried
as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear
piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A
hello-copper," answered the whispering voice. "What
is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed. In an
awed whispering voice the child answered, "The searchy
team just landed the hello-copper." Alarmed, concerned,
and more than just a little frustrated, the boss then had
to ask, "Why are they there?"
Still
whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle...
"They're looking for me!" |